Haliwt Standing Front Class

ACT SEVENTEEN: A FOREIGN MAN

 

Scene Seventeen

 

[The scene opens to Haliwt standing at the front the classroom; as she is lecturing, Gary and Larry fidget in guest attendance on seats amongst a class only half full with students.]

 

Haliwt: “Sigmoid Fraud referred to a condition or aspect of consciousness as the subconscious but that would suggest: if the subconscious information was brought to a conscious state of mind, an individual would then comprehend a motive without question. I’ve tried to be more accurately realistic by the development of a classification, ‘Sub-Cognitive’: motives which might or might not be realized, upon the attention of a cognitive state.”

 

[A foreign looking man opens the classroom door; he hesitates for a moment, then locates a seat on the bottom row nearest to where Haliwt is standing to offer lecture. He’s wearing dark sunglasses and hat, stevedore style, as if a disguise. His face is obscured by the hat and his most noticeable feature is a bushy mustache that looks fake. Haliwt doesn’t acknowledge his entrance to the classroom.]

 

Haliwt: “Such as, realizing the outcome of behavior: an example of a common understanding…”

 

[Haliwt abruptly stops speaking; Gary and Larry are noticeably poking one another in the ribs: snickering is heard easily through the short distance from the top of the classroom to the bottom.]

 

Haliwt: “PLEASE be tolerant, meaning: the two guest students will now refrain their own conference! Stop the snickering jabs right now.”

 

[Larry and Gary immediately straighten up in their seats as both fist their own hands together and set their elbows to a final rest on the tabletop. A Foreign Man slightly frowns.]

 

Haliwt: “If a person turns the knob of a stove to an on or active position—whether the stove be gassed or electrified—a cognitive person is aware the behavior will yield a result of the stove’s burner being hot to the touch. And so much so—that upon touching it—harmful burns to a body part could occur instantaneously. Other behavioral choices aren’t as simple to realize in advance of any adverse reaction: adverse being presumed as self or otherwise destructive, dangerous, threats to life and limb.”

 

[A male student suddenly stands up and speaks.]

 

Male Student: “EXCUSE me! But if recalling properly, WE were ignoring famous British Physicist Stoveon Hawling.”

 

[The male student sits back down just as abruptly as he stood; he is very pleased with himself.]

 

[Class Students: a few initiate laughter until all of the students are laughing; each one is persistently amused after the laughing of another or all are suffering giggle fits. Haliwt appears to be biting her upper lip without a smile as she waits to speak again: the students are slow to recover to a quiet state.]

 

Haliwt: “Next class—next week, Thursday—is POP QUIZ on what was both Dr. Sigmoid Fraud and Dr. B.S. Skinhead’s conceptualization for how to accurately determine and/or deter criminal insanity. Study it up super brains! And this is today’s living end: class dismissed, please.”

 

[As the last few students quickly crowd out the exit door, the foreign looking man removes his sunglasses and hat but remains seated at the bottom row.]

 

Colonel Statt: “Excuse me, Ms. Haliwt. I was hoping to have a word with you.”

 

[Haliwt waits until the last student exits the door before responding to the man.]

 

Haliwt: “I’m certain we aren’t acquainted but you’re obviously aware of my personage here. Mister?”

 

Colonel Statt: “JaySong Da Chen was my brother-in-law; my wife, JaySing, is or was his sister. Is or was because: what tense does a person apply when a relative to a spouse is deceased, is or was?”

 

Haliwt: “I can only suppose either is or was would be appropriate, unless or until the spouse died too.”

 

Colonel Statt: “My wife is JaySong Da Chen III’s mother. Chang’s mother. I’ve been told by reasonable sources: his badly decomposed body was found burned inside a fire pit in a ravine only a half mile from here. On Army land; it seems a helicopter pilot under my command did a water drop to extinguish the fire. And an alleged video… This is difficult. Chang was deceased quite some time prior to being set on fire; his body badly decomposed before being set on fire.”

 

[Haliwt shakes her head as if to admit discomfort.]

 

Colonel Statt: “You do know about Dr. Da Chen, Chang’s natural father—my wife’s brother—being found floating in Jewel Cove, deceased? Or am I being presumptuous.”

 

Haliwt: “To be quite direct, I do not understand the part of Chang’s body being recognized as so badly decomposed before it or he was burned? How did that get going on? And is a male corpse an ‘IT’ or still a ‘HE’? How does a safety fence—legally or illegally built—to prevent persons from falling off the cliff into Clam at Jewel Cove, trap Sea Lions?!”

 

[Colonel Statt interrupts her by pointing one finger up while raising his hand.]

 

Colonel Statt: “Sea Lions actually don’t like to eat flesh or meat; apparently, they are dedicated blood suckers. That’s what I was told by a Professor Swarmer and you know about him too.”

 

Haliwt: “Bickle Swarmer; Bill Bickle Sam Swarmer. Unfortunately, he’s a known about bad character. And I met a Mr. Jay Chang just—almost—two weeks ago. He did look, smell and act rather decomposed. How do trapped Sea Lions cause Jewel Cove to reek of rotting corpses?”

 

[Colonel Statt facial expression is one of desperation.]

 

Colonel Statt: “I’m innocent. You have to believe me: I only agreed to fly the helicopter as a rescue attempt. I had no concept of one of them pushing him out; they told me we had to pretend to be transferring him to another medical facility (sob…)”

 

[Colonel Statt lowers his head to cover his face with his hands. He affects low moaning sounds and then raises his head to beseech Haliwt: his fake mustache is askew and hanging halfway to off.]

 

Haliwt: “Sir.”

 

[Haliwt subtly widens her eyes and places her fingers over her own upper lip. Colonel Statt realizes his lost disguise as the scene fades out to Larry and Gary standing on the outer side of the classroom door; they are eavesdropping as Romantic Man approaches from the hallway behind them.]

 

 

ACT Eighteen: CONFESSION

 

Scene Eighteen

 

[The scene opens to Romantic Man approaching from the hallway behind where Larry and Gary are eaves- dropping outside Haliwt’s classroom door. Romantic Man stops behind them but doesn’t speak. Gary and Larry don’t immediately acknowledge him. Gary looks at Larry; Larry stares at Gary: Larry elbows Gary in the ribs.]

 

Larry: “We have to turn in a full report on our attendance to Ms. Haliwt’s class.”

 

Gary: “Full report to University Police Chief. We’re the new film officers.”

 

Romantic Man: “Who’s the Chief?”

 

[Larry and Gary shrug their shoulders; their body language declares they don’t know.]

 

Romantic Man: “You two guys are the ones who filmed a Chang being burned in a fire pit at a ravine a half mile off campus, a ravine on Army land. You filmed some of the students disrobed: without clothing attire.”

 

[Larry and Gary glance at each other before both quickly looking up at and then away from Romantic Man.]

 

Gary: “Do you have a gun? Professor Swarmer said strange men with guns might be acting a part in our movie by chasing us around campus. Are you chasing us with a gun?”

 

Romantic Man: “I’m surprised you think I seem strange; Ms. Haliwt said I’m an ideal charming man.”

 

Larry: “That’s because she’s a woman.”

 

Romantic Man: “So, you know a lot about a woman or women?”

 

Gary: “He’d like to. We’re not queer; he looks queer but he tries to be hot for babes. I just try not to slobber.”

 

[Larry and Gary start snickering. Romantic Man laughs.]

 

Romantic Man: “That seems charming.”

 

[Gary elbows Larry in the ribs.]

 

Romantic Man: “What’s your report about so far, is it about the body being burned in the fire pit; you filmed that, right? Did it bother you to film a body burning in a fire pit, like it was gross?”

 

[Larry and Gary glare at each other to avoid any eye contact with Romantic Man.]

 

Larry: “Right, a psyche exam. We never got close to it; it was water logged. It was already beyond real. Fish food quality. Gross? Sure, it was gross.”

 

Romantic Man: “How did the body get into the fire pit?”

 

Larry: “Professor Swarmer and two other guys; it was in the fire pit before we got there. He didn’t say anything about a body going to be in the fire, he just said video it—fire pit, naked girls—so did Professor Bickle. We were just trying to make the grade. Tell him Gary.”

 

Gary: “We didn’t know who it was. No one said CHANG until later on. Professor Swarmer just said it was for our movie, like we’re daft—insane, crazy—get it?”

 

[Romantic Man nods his head to confirm comprehension.]

 

Romantic Man: “Maybe you guys thought you could make some money by filming a dead guy in a fire pit; maybe you two put the body in the fire pit. That’s what people might think, unless you can identify the persons who did, right? Suspicious minds. If I showed you a photograph, do you think you might recognize the persons who put the body into the fire pit: since you’re innocent.”

 

[Larry and Gary are conspicuously uncomfortable when peering up at Romantic Man.]

 

Gary: “Right now? She might come out any second. She’s in there with some guy. He looks like a foreigner with a fake mustache.”

 

Romantic Man: “So, you know how to offer a description and what about for this photograph? Are these the two guys that helped Professor Swarmer put the body into the fire pit? Because Professor Swarmer made you go with them. Come on: you were there when they put in the body.”

 

[Larry elbows Gary.]

 

Romantic Man: “This photograph was cleared out of Professor Bickle’s office desk after he left for his sabbatical; it was kind of hidden with some other photos. That’s you two: see?”

 

[Romantic Man holds a photograph at the front of Larry and Gary’s down-turned heads; he leans forward and points with the opposite hand to an area of the photograph under their faces.]

 

Romantic Man: “There’s Professor Swarmer and look:  you’re filming those two other guys sliding a body bag over that boulder. It’s too dark—awful photography, really—but it’s obviously both of you off to the left of the bag.”

 

[Larry scratches his head; Gary lifts his hands and rubs his eyes.]

 

Romantic Man: “First: you went with Professor Swarmer and these two guys to Jewel Cove; they dove down under the water and brought the body up from— reclaimed or submerged—the underwater bathroom, while you two and Professor Swarmer waited on the beach. Then you all got back into Professor Swarmer’s SUV to go over to the hill leading down to the ravine?”

 

[Larry darts his eyes towards Gary: Gary rolls his tongue around the inside of his cheeks to affect cheeky distortion.]

 

Larry: “We don’t even know who you are. I don’t think I could remember what you look like, you know, if someone asked.”

 

[The door to the classroom suddenly opens. Colonel Statt steps out first, then Haliwt. She greets Romantic Man before turning back to lock the classroom door.]

 

Haliwt: “Oh, hello RoMan.”

 

Romantic Man: “Good afternoon. And Colonel Statt, sir.”

 

[The scene fades out as they all stand silently together—less than a foot apart—to gape from one face to another.]

 

 

ACT NINETEEN: TOKIN CID

 

Scene Nineteen

 

[The scene opens with Captain Brian Tokin and the Marine Corp uniformed CID searching for a parking spot on a downtown city street. Brian is driving and CID is sitting at the front passenger’s side.]

 

Brian: “That’s the building over there (Brian slows the car to quickly glance backward at a left angle) according to GPS. It looks like Hobo Hotel.”

 

CID: “Mmm. All I got is three quarters; suppose they got hot momma meter maids out to get revenge or you got any change?”

 

Brian: “Ash tray. I don’t smoke. It makes me feel better about myself: like I don’t really jeopardize my future by eating junk Oreos.”

 

CID: “Get out! You just passed on the only empty meter. You’re going to have to circle back.”

 

Brian: “See anybody seeing us?”

 

[CID stares out each window around the car and then turns his head for a quick left look at Brian.]

 

CID: “Do it.”

 

[Brian begins a U-Turn as CID turns to face the windshield; CID feigns sudden surprise.]

 

CID:  “NO wait! Camera straight ahead: top of the stoplight to you.”

 

Brian: “YOU GET OUT. You said DO IT.”

 

CID: “I’m not the one driving. The stoplight sign clearly states NO U-TURN. A birdie told me San Devilo PD charges as much as $175 for infraction. Got to keep the SDPD GREEN.”

 

[CID is amused by himself.]

 

Brian: “I’d call you a weasel but he might hear me. Let’s just try not to get arrested in here, okay? Weasel can’t stand anyone talking above a whisper, like a Charmin’ toilet paper commercial person. Seriously.”

 

[After Brian parks his car, CID gets out to stand on a sidewalk while Brian inserts coins into a street meter. As Brian joins CID on the sidewalk, both he and Brian inhale deep breaths and then exhale as if preparing for a stressful event. They walk on the sidewalk until they see patrol cars parked on an alley way off the street.  As they turn a corner towards the patrol cars, they see a set of stairs leading down to what looks like a back entrance into a building signed ‘San Devilo Police’.]

 

CID: (Low voice) “Should we try to go in through here or go back around to the front?”

 

Brian: “Most likely someone in there (Brian nods forward) will say if this ain’t the right way. Come on.”

 

[Brian opens a door but seems to be waiting for CID to go in first. Both Brian and CID immediately see a huge African heritaged man wearing an SDPD uniform; he is behind a desk off to the left of the door. The desk looks ridiculously small. The huge black man’s name tag is for (Entrance) Officer Brow.]

 

CID: “Excuse me…”

 

[The huge black man quickly interrupts CID by a wave of his hand and a facial expression of angst.

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper) “Shhh. Keep your voice down. What is it?”

 

[Officer Brow voice is at the level of a whisper.]

 

Brian: (Low voice) “We have an appointment…”

 

[Officer Brow interrupts Brian by the exact same grimace and a held up hand.]

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper) “Not so loud. What is it? Just tell me what you want. Keep it quiet.”

 

Brian: (Whisper) “We’re supposed to say we’re here to see The Weasel.”

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper) “Sure, sure. The Weasel. Follow me. You (Officer Brow nods to CID) too.”

 

[Officer Brow then whisper sings a verse; he seems to think the tune of the song should be familiar to anyone listening.]

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper) “We’re off to see The Weasel, the most wonderful weasel of all.”

 

[Officer Brow lumbers forward to a long hallway. He turns slightly to look back at Brian and CID, as if to make sure they are following him; from their point of view behind Officer Brow, the hallway seems incredibly narrow.]

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper): “They’re here to see The Weasel.”

 

[Officer Brow introduced Brian and CID to a (Entrance) Tall Blonde Female Officer wearing an SDPD uniform while standing behind a front reception desk. She nods her head, and then slides a clipboard with a printed form across a high countertop.]

 

CID: “We have an appointment…”

 

[The tall blonde female officer interrupts CID by pointing a finger over her mouth and making a Shhh sound. She speaks to CID directly by whispering.]

 

Tall Blonde Female Officer: (Whisper) “Can you please not talk so loud.”

 

[The Tall Blonde Female Officer points to the printed form on the clipboard without looking at Brian or CID.]

 

Tall Blonde Female Office: (Whisper) “Sign in. I need to see both identifications.”

 

[Brian and CID each hand forward CA State driver’s licenses simultaneously, then take turns at printing and signing their names onto the clipboard form. The Tall Blonde Female Officer studies the licenses while staring back and forth between the cards and faces of both Brian and CID. She picks up the clipboard and gives it to Officer Brow.]

 

[Officer Brow nods his head in the direction of a door off to the far left end of the high counter.]

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper) “Come around this way.”

 

 

ACT TWENTY: WEASEL

 

Scene Twenty

 

[Officer Brow walks over and knocks softly on the closed door while Brian and CID stand behind him; CID elbows Brian in the ribs. Brian barely controls a slight snicker before Officer Brow opens the detective’s door.]

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper) “Detective, these two men say they have an appointment with you.”

 

[Officer Brow is holding the detective’s door open; he nods to encourage Brian and CID to attempt walking past him to enter Detective Weasel’s office: the faces of both men imply they are persons addressing a great task.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Ms. Greberf wrote a letter saying Officer Brow should spend more time exercising, less time consuming “frivolous food” to improve demeanor. Seriously, it’s a classic: kinder gentler nation stuff.”

 

[Officer Brow frowns as he steps out of the office doorway and shuts the door.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Do you want to explain it all to me in a very low voice while I write it down or did you two want to write it down—I’ll read it—and if necessary, I could contact you later on: unless this is just too urgent? Life, death, loss of limb? Go ahead and take a seat, there.”

 

[Weasel motions towards two chairs on the opposite side of the where he’s seated behind a cluttered desk.]

 

Brian: (Whisper) “No loss of limbs. But it’s urgent. Right now—as we speak—Colonel Statt is at University talking to Ms. Haliwt Ennovy Greberg: her legal names backward.”

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “I know I know. At University, you need a disguise and an alias. That’s why you be Gary and you be Larry when you go over there. Gary and Larry, got it?”

 

Brian: (Whisper) “Sure, a name change will do it? That’s all there is or will be, to it? Why would we go over there?”

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Right.”

 

CID: (Whisper) “I don’t get it. I’m not getting it.”

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Start slow from what you think is the beginning of why you feel the situation is urgent. Stay on track: no wild tangents. What is so urgent about Colonel Statt meeting with Ms. Greberf?”

 

[Brian and CID look at each other.]

 

CID: (Whisper) “Colonel Statt is my immediate Superior Officer; the base commander insisted on a bug—listening device—in his office. We found out Colonel Statt flew the helicopter that Dr. Da Chen was pushed out of. Dr. Da Chen was found murdered—because someone pushed him out of a high hovering helicopter—and floating Jewel Cove. Dr. Da Chen is—or was—Colonel Statt’s wife’s brother. She’s JaySing, he was JaySong. Sing and Song had a son, JaySong Da Chen, III or ‘Chang’. There’s more.”

 

[Detective Weasel stares without surprise at Brian and CID.]

 

Brian: (Whisper) “Colonel Statt swears he is innocent. He says he agreed to fly the helicopter to rescue Dr. Da Chen; he was supposed to pretend to be transferring Da Chen to another medical facility. Da Chen was abducted and the excuse for his abduction was Da Chen went nuts. Colonel Statt swears he had no idea the other people with him in the helicopter were going to push Da Chen out of the ‘copter.”

 

[Detective Weasel slightly shakes his head and then clears his throat.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “You two are Marine Corp?”

 

[Both Brian and CID nod to say yes.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Did you both already get diving certificates? Have you had scuba lessons?”

 

[Brian and CID look at each other quickly; they both appear to be surprised at the question.]

 

CID: (Whisper) “Yup.”

 

Brian: (Whisper) “Me too.”

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “What if Colonel Statt agreed to fly his brother-in-law over Jewel Cove with full knowledge of the abductor’s intention to shove Dr. Da Chen out of the helicopter?”

 

[Brian and CID look at each other again but neither speak.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “I’m going to trust you with some very confidential information. It’s not one body, not just two: there’s four dead rabbits, three dead men, another man missing.”

 

[Brian and CID look at each other with their eyes only or without turning their faces away from Weasel.]

 

Brian: (Whisper) “Were the rabbits rabid? Or somethin’.”

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “No. Vaccines; they were used like guinea pigs for chemistry crap cooked up by a Hovard PHD in a lab on campus. Two of the other rabbits—two of the ones not yet croaked, Larry and Gary—explained it. Sure: to Ms. Greberf. Here’s a photograph of her with the PHD. She’s doesn’t look like a happy camper: look for the dead rabbits under the leaves. Try to look closely.”

 

[Both CID and Brian intentionally stare vacuously towards the desktop as Weasel clears clutter away to reveal a small area of the desk; he places a photograph down in front of CID and Brian.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “One of the dead men was found at that same forested area (Weasel points with his finger to the photograph laid out on the desk) where the rabbits—can you see the rabbits—are dumped. But he wasn’t dumped: he walked over there; it’s just across the road from the campus.”

 

[CID and Brian affect perplexed facial contortions.]

 

Brian: (Whisper) “Am I supposed to ask how he walked over there if he’s dead or died?”

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “There’s a house. He walked over to the house at the outskirt—where the trees start to disperse—of those trees. He was selling some of the chemistry crap from the lab to some guys, right? And they said, “You first. You try your stuff on first. So he did: he only made it about 500 yards from the house before croaking; his stuff was great. It took less than 30 minutes for him to totally decease.”

 

[Brian and CID avoid looking at Weasel while remaining silent.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “He was a Chang’s accomplice to a stage wreck—near Ms. Greberf’s home—two weeks ago. But you don’t know about that or ‘The Endless Stream of Chang’. The accomplice was found after five days of laying out there on dirt and leaves, surrounded by the trees all peaceful. But just last week.”

 

[Weasel pauses deliberately but Brian and CID remain speechless.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Dr. Da Chen’s son, ‘Chang’ or JaySong Da Chen III, was a US Army Corporal stationed at Marine Corp Air Station; he was assigned to mail process and he really was an engineering student at University. It seems he ended up being a deserter—AWOL—in a submerged, reclaimed by the sea bathroom at Jewel Cove: he died from ingesting some of his stuff to avoid DEA detection after apprehension almost two months ago. He said he just happened to be at the house during a DEA raid or how he had nothing to do with meth amphetamine. In his mind, it was vaccines. University ambulance took him only so far. Who do you suppose are good deed divers: the two who deposited him in underwater bathroom?”

 

[Brian inhales a deep breath while CID sits motionless.]

 

Brian: (Whisper) “I’m innocent. They did not tell me it was him in the fire pit. ‘Cause that’s where it’s going, right? A Professor Bill Bickle asked me to do the water drop: it’s his act of war. I didn’t know a corpse was going to be set on fire was the reason I had to put out the fire. It wasn’t explained that way. Ask Colonel Statt. CID, tell him.”

 

CID: (Whisper) “It seems like I should write it all down: you can read it later on. And then, if you need to ask questions about it? Because all the whispering has caused my throat to be kind of dry right now.”

 

[Brian reacts with a slight sound of exasperation.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “JaySong Da Chen III, Chang, corpse was in the fire pit at the ravine where you did the water drop to put out a fire almost a month ago. Knew it. What I’m afraid of is you two expect a happy ever after ending—like a movie—to what is starting to seem like out of control carnage.”

 

[Brian and CID tense like statues.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “A coroner’s report declares Jay Song Da Chen III, Chang, or the body burned in that ravine fire pit—the fire pit you water dropped—“badly decomposed” prior to being burned in that fire pit; the decomposure was said to be from extensive submersion in sea water. Divers.”

 

[Brian and CID don’t obviously acknowledge Weasel’s statement.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “We know two divers put him into the underwater bathroom and two divers took him out: that Professor William Hamm Bill Bickle photographed the Chang of events. But the images are almost too dark to recognize the divers. Volunteers? Desecration of a corpse by unauthorized disposal in a fire pit: it’s a crime but it’s not murder.”

 

[The only sound in the room is a faint electronic hum from a computer monitor.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Now, Hamm Bickle has disappeared: an alleged leave from University to sabbatical. But Hamm Bickle is nowhere to be found. And this is a lot for me to figure out. If either of you decides you know more to offer, more information—even if you don’t realize it yet—call me again, okay? Good enough for today. That’s it. We’re done.”

 

[Weasel waves a slow good-by with his hand. CID stands abruptly and turns to the door; Brian stands more slowly but also seems anxious to leave. CID fumbles at the door knob until the door finally opens to Officer Brow standing directly at the front of both men. Both CID and Brian tense from being blocked by Officer Brow. He steps slightly aside to allow an escape route. Brian and CID squeeze by Officer Brow single file as he points to an exterior door.]

 

[Brian and CID bolt onto the closest sidewalk: they both squint their eyes from the sudden glare of sunlight. CID looks up to the wide open space and shakes his head slightly from side to side.]

 

CID: (Whisper) “This is way weird.”

 

[The scene fades out as CID is motioning with his arm for Brian to stay back or away from CID on the sidewalk.]

 

 

ACT TWENTY-ONE: FOOD COURT

 

Scene Twenty-One

 

[The scene opens to Haliwt standing at the bottom of the classroom filled to maximum occupancy.]

 

Haliwt: “It is understandable how some of you must be at least slightly aghast at the news of a body found hanging over a rafter inside the food court. If any of you would like to volunteer information regarding the incident, there are two guest attendants today, an SDPD Detective Reasel and with him, uniformed Officer Bro: they are available for conference dedicated to the exact situation only; no wild tangents, please. And upon class dismissal or after Quiz.”

 

[As an introduction, Haliwt extends her arm up towards the top level of the classroom; Officer Brow is sitting on two chairs at the end of a table where Detective Weasel is seated.]

 

Haliwt: “The last class assignment was to reference Dr. Sigmoid Fraud and B.S. Skinhead’s work applicable for terms—understandings—of criminal insanity. Topic for example is Will Power, Self-Control or Sanity: the reasoning applied by Fraud and Skinhead as to what instigates deviation from controlled conditions, if self-control occurs or doesn’t occur at all.”

 

[The classroom attendants seem to be collectively holding their breath and by bewilderment; Detective Weasel nods his head towards Haliwt.]

 

Haliwt: “Will power for limiting food consumption is not a primary instinct: it is not a natural instinct, it is a learned behavioral choice. If life were always going to offer super markets along side gas stations, 7-11’s? Left alone with nature—without modern convenience or collective mass production of food stuffs—a person would struggle daily to produce enough food to sustain livelihood. The effort to gather and secure food would no doubt, nearly exceed—expend—the energy (nutrition) consumed at any given time and for an indefinite period of time: time being the method for calculating physical development.”

 

[Haliwt pauses to inhale deeply. The classroom is oddly silent; the students seem unusually attentive or keen.]

 

Haliwt: “B.S. Skinhead said a natural instinct cannot be overruled or negated by a learned behavioral choice: that a civilized learning could not destroy the primal instinct of a person’s psyche, specifically flight/fight syndrome. But this lecture is beseeching another primal instinct related to fight/flight syndrome as depicted by B.S.  Skinhead.”

 

[Haliwt pauses to clear her throat. The crowd is quiet and almost eerily so.]

 

Haliwt: “If surrounded by a bunch of babbling baboons: would you eat as many bananas as possible and fast, before flight or fight? Or would you count calories? Would you choose to haul 50 lbs of  bananas on your back for later or would you eat as many as possible at the time of discovery because?! Not only 50 babbling baboons: 25 lone wolves, 5 tigers, 500 vultures and all of them are hungry too. None like a banana hog for any reason other than as a possible next maul or meal. If the numbers were people instead of named animals: it’s a force evolved to what’s now called Sport.”

 

[Haliwt pauses and then continues uninterrupted.]

 

Haliwt: “Mass obesity—persons who do not control their eating habits to maintain a healthy body FAT—is now declared an epidemic across the US and abroad. Does criminal insanity—not knowing rights or wrongs, according to the State of CA—apply to the statistics? An examination of motives must be deliberated: many persons do become obese by criminally insane, self-destructive efforts as willing martyrs for the cause of attempting mass murder. At the same time, vast numbers of persons are obese as a result of being victims of mass criminal insanity.”

 

[A male attendant stands up: he removes a hat; he is wearing a fake mustache.]

 

Brian: “It was Professor Hamm Bickle. The body hanging from the rafter.”

 

Haliwt: “BRIAN?”

 

Brian: “NO. I’m Larry.”

 

Haliwt: “Uh Uhn. Please sit back down; please, wait to speak with Detective Reasel after the POP QUIZ. It’s not a who done it or is it: the quiz.”

 

[Brian sits back down. The rest of the class attendants are either entranced or trauma shocked, except for two young men sitting at the bottom far right of the room. They are wearing bandanas tied around their heads and one has thick cloudy looking eyeglasses akin to soda bottle glass; one of them snickers after elbowing the other in the ribs. Haliwt’s face shows immediate recognition. She clears her throat politely.]

 

Haliwt: “So… It’s no longer healthy food choices by natural evolution: rather, it’s Ding Dongs, Ho Ho’s, toxic ‘Trix’ or bulimic, harmful food stuffs massively manufactured intentionally to instigate distress or even death amongst people at random. Mass bulimia is promoted by attacking the primal instinct to EAT: an attack enabled by an attack of yet another primal ability, which is the ability to learn and adopt behavior. Specifically, social learned behavior accepted by either mass participation or lack of authoritative objection.”

 

[Haliwt takes a deep breath before explaining further.]

 

Haliwt: “But this only begins to address those amongst the public all too willing to consume harmful food stuffs for the delusion of causing mass murder: by other words, the huge numbers of psychotic persons causing themselves chronic HIV/AIDS infection.”

 

[A few of the students begin to laugh until the entire classroom seems overwhelmed by laughter. Haliwt waits to speak until the hysteria finally subsides.]

 

Haliwt: “If it were bananas, unlimited cauliflower, ripe raw, leafy greens or wild watermelon: facilitation of unhealthy fat accumulation in mass would not occur, nor would the chemical compositions of consumptions yield chronic physical distress—an endless stream of symptoms resulting—and/or cardiovascular failure, death.”

 

[Haliwt takes a quick breath and speaks again without hesitation.]

 

Haliwt: “Primal instinct is not what’s inherently wrong for proper circumstances. But this leads to further discussion: should primitive instincts change to suit conditions which aren’t natural by stimulus or supply? I think NOT. It’s a topic to elaborate for yet another day’s class.”

 

[Haliwt pauses while looking around the classroom. No one offers comment and all attendants seem to have regained control of their odd calm.]

 

Haliwt: “The first question for today’s POP QUIZ: with relation to will power and food consumption, do YOU THINK—right or wrong and without the addition of other factors—B.S. Skinhead’s assertion of how a learned behavior cannot altercate primal instinct is/was VALID? Not just yes/no: be descriptive or try to explain what you think based on lecture and Skinhead reading. You have five minutes as of NOW and no toilet paper, please.”

 

[Students busy themselves with writing answers but half of the class attendants simply sit, staring at each other from their seats around the room.]

 

Haliwt: “Question number two. How does criminal insanity become evident to depreciate or assault primal instincts—primal instincts as depicted by Skinhead’s fight/flight syndrome—by application to the primal instinct for self-sustenance or food stuffs consumption and per lecture, in addition to B.S. Skinhead text. Criminal Insanity as defined by State of CA: not knowing the distinction between right and wrong. Five minutes, starting now.”

 

[Haliwt stands still at the bottom center of the room; she slowly shifts her body weight from one foot to the other like a pendulum clock: until speaking again and to conclude class.]

 

Haliwt: “Last question and it’s easy because we’re out of time for today. Please explain what is a Fraudien Slip: by direct reference to the assigned Dr. Sigmoid Fraud reading material. And answer what you think is an example of a Fraudien Slip. Five minutes: then class dismissed. Please deposit all papers into the podium box before exiting the classroom. Don’t forget the availability to confide to Detective Reasel from SDPD.”

 

[Haliwt immediately climbs up the steps towards the top level of the classroom to greet Detective Weasel and Officer Brow. They stare downward as students deposit quiz papers into the podium box and quickly exit. Brian is noticed leaving, then Larry and Gary. After only a few moments, Haliwt, Officer Brow and Detective Weasel are alone inside the classroom.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Officer Brow was taken off patrol duty; he’s on desk assignment only until he loses FAT.” 

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper) “I’ve lost 30 lbs. of fat; I’ve got another 100 lbs. to lose. It’s expensive.”

 

[Haliwt is politely perplexed by Officer Brow’s declaration.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “He’s being fined one dollar for each one pound over his limit, per pay check.”

 

[Haliwt smiles with approval.]

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “What I think is Fraudien Slip: I found a Snicker-Doodle wrapper under his desk.”

 

Haliwt: (Whisper) “Larry and Gary, film makers of tangled web aspiration. They’re allegedly new hires at the campus police station: film officers. They were in Professor Hamm Bickle’s Computer Fun Film and Media class. They filmed the fire pit and I really do not know what else.”

 

Weasel: (Whisper) “Okay, so it is or was Hamm Bickle: the body hanging over the food court rafter. Past or present tense.”

 

Haliwt: (Whisper) “Oh.”

 

Officer Brow: (Whisper) “I thought it was a man wearing lady’s lingerie. Fraudien Slip. I’m not being insensitive.”

 

[Haliwt turns to go daintily down the steps towards the exit door; Weasel starts down cautiously behind her as Officer Brow stands to slowly begin his own wobbling descent.  The scene fades out to Haliwt and Romantic Man inside an old dance studio.]

 

 

ACT TWENTY-TWO: ON TOE

 

Scene Twenty-Two

 

[Haliwt and Romantic Man are in a dance studio; it has an old wooden floor and barres: tarnished mirrors line a wall from top to bottom and the room smells like powdered moth balls. Haliwt has one leg stretched to the top of a barre.]

 

Haliwt: “I don’t dance on toe. Dancing on toe originated from orchard workers tying rocks onto the tips of their toes to reach higher up to the trees. Not climbing trees was faster, safer picking. Nut Cracker Suite, Sugar Plum Fairy. No toe shoes for me; my best action is barefooted.”

 

[Haliwt is bending down to the floor and then swooping up to an arch by extending her arm and shoulders back. Romantic Man is sitting on the floor watching her with a look of hopelessness on his face. She suddenly twirls the stretched leg to up behind her head after going straight over the top of Romantic Man’s head.]

 

RoMan: “That looked wonderful; it’s Chambray.”

 

Haliwt: “Something like that. Foundational Fabrication. Our entire civilization is doomed, RoMan. But a person cannot force people to cooperate for their own survival and then again, especially not when they only conclude they got it all by the tail. Mayans were sophisticated.”

 

[RoMan is keen to the topic of conversation.]

 

Romantic Man: “Doomed because wonderful as it’s usually understood—how most know to know it—can’t be sustained. There are too many changes, too much everyone needs to change and feasibly sustain: but it’s too energetic. It’s like trying to fight a way out of a black hole. I read your Yahoo.”

 

Haliwt: “Quoting Plato: the idea of a chair is more real than a chair.” The Earth is a baby chair inside what was a BLACK HOLE. IT BURST out: it never disappeared or never went away. IT just changed by turning itself inside to out. It’s how is IT: if you consider the distinction between our atmosphere and then the immediate outer space around our atmosphere? But I feel energetic enough to BURST out of a black hole. LIFE, LIBERTY, LOVE it: pursuit of happiness. Have you thought about a sustainable sexual experience, RoMan? Living might seem hopeless, yet it is doable if a being/thing/entity is not dysfunctional according to the primitive limitation in and of itself. I sometimes annoy.”

 

[RoMan concludes Haliwt's statement as only an intimate proposition.]

 

Romantic Man: “I’ve been breaking the habit of showering. My arms and hands aren’t as weak as I thought. Thinking about sexual experience consumes about 3 hours of my cognitive process, daily. That’s right: everyday. Sure.”

 

[Haliwt giggles.]

 

Haliwt: “So, you want to test out the legs, heft the barre? Or do you want me to show you something: like a trip back into childhood… A discovery, hidden treasure, the secret passage way. The escape from invading body snatchers.”

 

[RoMan smiles like a wonderful man willing to escape.]

 

Origins of Soap Closing Scene On Toe Heart TYF

 

Haliwt: “There’s a trap door; all old theatres have trap doors off the stage. I’ve been told it was so dancers could go from a warm room—to stretch, practice—before taking the stage during live performance: as a private entrance or exit no one can see.”

 

[Haliwt reaches down to the floor under the bottom edge of the wall mirroring. She uses her fingers to feel along the underside of a slight vertical seam crease in the mirror, then pushes at a place higher up on the wall until a panel of mirroring opens to a closet like space. What looks to be a solid wood door without a handle opens out to the stage after a strong push.]

 

Haliwt: “No one’s used this for awhile, otherwise, the door wouldn’t be so sticky. I’ll bet no one even remembers it’s here or they never knew. It’s an old-timer thing.”

 

[The door opens to a narrow open space walled nearly to the stage. There are few steps up to the stage top, but no real room for any other movement except standing or sliding around a tight corner to the open auditorium area. Romantic Man looks around the deserted theatre in awe.]

 

Romantic Man: “Absolutely great. It’s so dark in here. Let’s not turn on any lights. It reminds me of an afternoon movie: like a ‘Phantom Of The Opera’ kind of thing. It’s spooky.”

 

[Haliwt steps up to the sit on the edge of the stage. She motions to Romantic Man to take a step as a seat.]

 

Haliwt: “Right. Have a step. I think we should stay down; it would be bad if we’re seen in here. I can’t explain how I’ve accessed the warm room, trap door, stage.”

 

Romantic Man: “Maybe I should say it’s sneaky? Sure: spooky and sneaky.”

 

Haliwt: “Spunky.”

 

[Two loud male voices from somewhere near but outside the auditorium are suddenly heard. Romantic Man mouths ‘STAFF’ without sound towards Haliwt’s frowning face.]

 

Haliwt: (Whisper) “Quick! Slide under this way.”

 

[There is a rectangular open end—to under the stage—at the back side of the highest step and obviously intentioned to be obscure. Both Haliwt and Romantic Man slide through to hide. A vent screen facing the open auditorium from front stage is the only peep hole out from under the stage; an entrance or exit door at the back of the auditorium is heard opening.]

 

[A blurry figure that looks like The Dean is barely visible when entering at the far back of the auditorium. Two men wearing campus police officer uniforms immediately enter behind the first blurred figure; four men—that appear to be Larry, Gary, Brian and CID—enter wearing campus police uniforms too. They stand as a crowd together in the dark until several flood lights suddenly flash on: the theatre is still dark but with illumination on the men as they begin to take seats close to each other on the back few rows.]

 

Crap: “Our two new film officers, Larry and Gary? They filmed the fire pit and then tried to extort money from Professor Hamm, sir. We suspect it may be something to do with his sudden sabbatical.”

 

The Dean: “Those situations sometimes fester, FESTER for quite some time. But it’s good that Larry (The Dean nods towards Gary) and Gary (The Dean nods towards Larry) are pursuing higher aspirations by accepting the assignment we will discuss today.”

 

[Brian and CID look at one another; a STAFF (Entrance) stands and turns to speak towards where The Dean is seated. Larry and Gary stare straight out to the open space of the auditorium, intentionally looking at no one.]

 

Masher: “Yes, sir. Their acceptance is enabling a finer quality PRESENTATION of our lovely campus movie.”

 

STAFF: “These two (he points to Brian and CID) are playing the parts of Larry and Gary for this segment of our movie, sir. They’ll be the ones helping myself and (he points to the only other man not wearing a campus police uniform) STAFF to escort Professor Bickle to the auditorium for his escape from abduction scene.”

 

STAFF: “After Professor Bickle’s abduction scene is filmed at his computer chemistry film lab, two actors (he nods towards Brian and CID) assist with the rescue from OUTSIDE the lab because of the sensitivity of REAL experimentation going on. It’s a functioning facility, sir.”

 

The Dean: “What are specifics, EXACTLY, so editing can be kept at a minimum. Editing expenses can be so elaborated.”

 

[The Dean looks up to the ceiling while raising his hands out to the side of his head; he then lowers his arms to grip both his hands together at his abdomen.]

 

Brian: “I think my character, Larry, should have a gun.”

 

CID: “That’s to scare the abductors into not chasing across the campus after us, during a hostage rescue; isn’t his character’s name Bickle Swarmer, Bill Bickle Sam Swarmer? The guy playing the hostage.”

 

The Dean: “That sounds reasonable.”

 

Crap: “PLAUSIBLE. I’m the acting consultant for what the actors playing officers get to do or NOT, sir. And you are so right. He’s a real PHD, chemistry, Hovard hostage.”

 

Masher: “I’m more focused on wardrobe, special effects: the hostage must be wearing a proper straight-jacket.”

 

[The sound of their voices carry clearly across the space of the auditorium to where Haliwt and Romantic Man are hiding, nearly nose to nose at the under the stage screen: when she turns her head, he turns his and they bump.]

 

Haliwt: (Whisper) “Please, don’t try to kiss me. I was hoping we could do sexual intercourse first, before any kiss attempt.”

 

[After whisper giggling, she turns her face back to the screen as a STAFF is giving sheets of paper to Gary, Larry, Brian and CID. Romantic Man bumps the side of her head with his and on purpose when facing back to the screen.]

 

CID: “I’ve got one slight problem. I’m playing a tournament from 3 PM to 6 PM that day; I’m on a golf team with my commanding officer. Can it be later next Thursday, even starting Friday 5 PM? I’m scheduled off that whole day.”

 

[The Dean facial expression is one of mock surprise.]

 

The Dean: “Commanding OFFICER? Are you a police officer in the REAL WORLD?”

 

CID: “Marine Corp.”

 

The Dean: “What would the commanding officer say if you had to leave before the end of the game? Maybe I could speak with the officer about your participation in our movie about campus life.”

 

Brian: “Not to Colonel Statt. Golf is his got to have it, play it, get it game.”

 

STAFF: “FINE. Next Thursday evening, starting at 7 PM. AGREED? Is this acceptable to all? Democracy: any nay?”

 

[Larry and Gary look at each other, then Larry clears his throat to speak.]

 

Larry: “It says Gary and I are supposed to set-up a video camera inside here first and then be outside chemistry lab with a video camera at 6:30 PM SHARP. So, what time do we come in here and how to we get in? We’ve only got one camcorder.”

 

[Gary nods his head as if to support the question. The two men of STAFF glare at Larry while Masher emotes barely controlled hostility for both Larry and Gary’s scared rabbit like demeanor.]

 

The Dean: “The door will be left slightly ajar at 5:30 PM; I’ll open it for you myself before leaving for the day. You should be able to get in and out of here and over to the lab by 6:30 PM or—delayed—until 7 PM sounds fine.”

 

Crap: “And I’ve already got the two camcorders on charge: that’s how anxious WE are to make YOUR contribution to OUR movie a success.”

 

[The Dean stands up to dismiss the meeting. The other men are noticed slowly standing up one at a time. Larry elbows Gary in the ribs and tilts his head to the direction of the back door. They bolt out first while CID and Brian follow closely behind. As The Dean exits the door, the lights go out. The two STAFF, Crap and Masher look around the darkness of the auditorium. As they turn to exit out the back, Crap and Masher are laughing.]

 

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