Back To RaSha Opening Scene 108Elegant TYF Origins

 

 

ACT NINE: MEETING the DEAN

 

Scene Nine

 

[Haliwt is meeting with a man, ‘The Dean’; four persons are introduced by him as his administrative staff. The room is a luxurious suite; there are no telephones, no desk top computers. The room appears to be much more like a fancy hotel hospitality suite, rather than a college campus office.]

 

The Dean: “Thank you for agreeing to meet with myself and STAFF today. I am The DEAN and there is so very much to discuss.”

 

[The Dean slightly bows and then makes a sweeping gesture with his arm towards four persons seated on a chaise lounge situated behind the front and center area of the room where The Dean is standing and nearly shouting when declaring the four other persons “STAFF”.]

 

Haliwt: “It’s a pleasure to meet with you all here today, Dean, sir and STAFF.”

 

[Haliwt smiles slightly as she motions with a modest curtsey. The four other persons—three males and one female—introduced as STAFF are crowded shoulder to shoulder while seated on a chaise lounge directly behind the standing ‘Dean’.]

 

The Dean: “You did meet Professor Hamm? Here’s his photograph, dear; certainly you are at least, familiar.”

 

[The Dean extends his hand holding a photograph towards Haliwt and then quickly retreats intentionally to allow her only a very quick glance.]

 

Haliwt: “That’s the man who introduced himself to me as Professor Bill Bickle, ‘Biking Professor, NOT Professor of Biking’.” Are you saying he’s Professor Hamm Bickle?”

 

The Dean: “Oh NO. Here is a photograph of Professor Bill Bickle.”

 

[The Dean again offers a photograph to Haliwt; Dean hesitates a bit before turning to give the photograph to the woman seated on the chaise lounge with the men behind him.]

 

Haliwt: “Well, if that is the case, I’m not acquainted with Professor Bickle at all.”

 

The Dean: “Professor Hamm has suffered a psychotic episode. He has left rather abruptly for a sabbatical, dear.”

 

Haliwt: “Oh. Dr. Da Chen, now Professor Hamm Bickle?! This is seemingly quite odd, Dean, sir and STAFF.”

 

The Dean: “We wanted to ask you if you could manage the instruction of Professor Hamm’s computer science class schedule.”

 

Haliwt: “Oh no. I’m so awful about computer science; I absolutely have no credentials. I could not possibly instruct a computer science class; sorry, just not. There must be someone else far more qualified to manage his class, until he returns from sabbatical? He will be returning, right?”

 

The Dean: “PSYCHOTIC EPISODE. Professor Hamm was ranting about how the students of his class, specifically, are the instigating cause of his recent distress. His class for digital enhancement: Film Fun and Media. You have done such a fine job during Dr. Da Chen’s absence. It seems as if University could gain progress by assigning you to manage Professor Hamm’s Computer Film Fun and Media class too.”

 

Haliwt: “I cannot manage to instruct both classes at the same time! Really, I actually cannot manage instructing computer science. I cannot. NO.”

 

[The Dean and four other persons look to each other and then turn to face Haliwt without expression, as if they cannot or did not hear her refusal.]

 

Haliwt: “Your offer is flattering: I thought your request for a meeting might have been for no reason other than to admonish something more like? Why don’t you get a real job.”

 

The Dean: “No, NO, dear. You’re doing just fine. FINE.”

 

[The Dean begins to laugh; Haliwt turns to look at his staff and they all start laughing: they laugh each time one or another laughs.]

 

[Haliwt begins to slowly back towards the door and opens it enough to slide out to the hallway. A man standing just outside the door nearly bumps—chest to chest—with Haliwt as she turns to escape the hysteria of The Dean and Staff.]

 

 

ACT TEN: NAME GAME

 

Scene Ten

 

Professor Swarmer: (Entrance) “What’s the inside joke? I’m Professor Swarmer but you can call me Sam. I overheard how you’re going to be managing Professor Hamm’s class on filming fun during his sabbatical… God knows he needs it; a great escape.”

 

Haliwt: “Sam, I try to mind my own business. But aren’t you Professor Bill Bickle? The Dean just showed me a photograph of you.”

 

Professor Swarmer: “Me too! I try to mind my own business. Didn’t I just introduce myself to you as Professor Swarmer? Yes! I said call me Sam. Do you know about a Bill Bickle who is here? Or did someone tell you Professor Hamm was really HAMMBICKLE? Is the inside joke, NICE BUNS?!”

 

[Professor Swarmer seems vastly amused with his own statements and begins to laugh hysterically. Haliwt steps aside to gain distance from him; she stands aghast until his fit of laughter subsides.]

 

Professor Swarmer: “Bill’s class—the one you’re getting—works with the students of my film class for digital computer enhancements; Bill’s do the computer work after mine do the digital filming.”

 

Haliwt: “I’m not getting it, NOT GETTING IT. I’m not teaching Professor Hamm Bickle’s computer class. NOT. NO: I just explained how much NO to The Dean and STAFF.”

 

[Haliwt turns away to walk down the empty dark hall, leaving Professor Swarmer standing far behind her. Professor Swarmer whistles and calls out to Haliwt.]

 

Professor Swarmer: “But the nice buns is so applicable to you, dear: no joke at all.”

 

[The scene fades out after a brief lingering on the backside image of Haliwt (alone) at the end of the hallway.]

 

 

ACT ELEVEN: RoMan

 

Scene Eleven

 

[The scene opens to a bright sunlit morning on a cliff green with foliage; the view of the ocean is expansive and seems to overwhelm the image of Haliwt, alone on a small sheet laid out on the ground. Haliwt seems lost to contemplation of the sea when a tall attractive man approaches from behind. His sudden appearance startles her; she rises defensively onto her knees and then stares up at him without speaking.]

 

Romantic Man: (Entrance) “Excuse me, Ms. Haliwt, may I speak to you for a moment? My last name is a bit of a wrangle: Noncoloscopie. I’m Titas Noncoloscopie. I’ve practiced this.”

 

Haliwt: “Fine. So, I don’t really know your name: you aren’t going to tell me. And if this were a romantic comedy, you are what, the love interest? I’ll call you Romantic Man, okay? RoMan for short.”

 

Romantic Man: “Seriously, I want to talk to you about the video; it was noticed the woman’s backside shown in the video isn’t yours. No offense: but I was really only looking at the images of your backside—your online photos specifically—to investigate whether or not the woman in the video is you. She’s not you.”

 

Haliwt: “Your only reason is not very romantic: are you trying to be disappointing or is this that serious? Because I tried desperately to prevent the video. I haven’t seen the video and I was only there trying to stop it, really.”

 

Romantic Man: “The office where I work at my real job has a sophisticated computer imaging system assigned; our office images faces but then we decided to do your behind: only to prove the woman in the video isn’t you, despite what ‘The Dean’ has to say.”

 

Haliwt: “The Dean? He told me yesterday, the man who introduced himself to me as Professor Bickle was really Professor Hamm, Hamm Bickle. The Dean said another man who introduced himself to me as Professor Swarmer, “Sam”, was Professor Bill Bickle. Now Hamm Bickle is said to have gone on a sudden sabbatical after allegedly proving another psychotic episode or just like Dr. Da Chen? Bickle Swarmer seems more than odd.”

 

Romantic Man: “The video clearly proves Dr. Da Chen was abducted; one of the first things noticed in the video was the only female abductor wearing blue jeans: we know blue jeans aren’t your usual attire and then, well, her backside was rather large and flaccid compared to the photographs of yours.”

 

Haliwt: “Oh. I wasn’t there, no. The video your describing isn’t, IS NOT the video I assumed you were referencing. Dr. Da Chen was abducted? I’m not surprised.”

 

Romantic Man: “A few months ago, a legal brief filed at a local State Court—and too many electronic mail complaint communications—was brought to my attention; the complaints were from a woman.”

 

Origins SOAP HOP RoMan 9-16

 

Haliwt: “Mine and my legal name. The complaint was about violent men stealing University police patrol cars to stalk private citizens at this area while they pretend to be doing law enforcement. They’re armed and dangerous bandits. I’ve also referenced a situation as it’s described by the alleged “police” website for University of CA, Santa Barbarica.”

 

[Haliwt pauses for a moment—to wait for a verbal response from RoMan—but he nods his head to suggest she continue.]

 

Haliwt: “At least one Santa Barbarica professor seems to have been murdered by them or murdered according to their website and after an abduction. $250,000 bail set after two months of their supposedly holding him without bail because he allegedly tried to climb into the window of his own on campus office?! Their alibi for his disappearance is held without bail for two months on a misdemeanor charge! Certainly unconstitutional. But they also do not have a jail.”

 

[RoMan is politely pensive but otherwise not reactive to Haliwt’s fast spoken, nearly all in one breath statements. He replies with a mocked serious tone after a slight smile.]

 

Romantic Man: “Because of my last name, I can say this: God only knows what’s happening up at Ban Can Crisco. Do you practice speaking as fast as you do or is it a natural talent?”

 

[Haliwt rolls her eyes and smirks.]

 

Haliwt: “You’re actually very handsome, RoMan. You seem like an ideal Charming Man.”

 

Romantic Man: “Okay. So, when you were solicited to instruct Dr. Da Chen’s class, were you told you had to assume a “classroom name” and you would be paid in cash for the instruction assignment?”

 

Haliwt: “Paid in cash is typically the only thing I’ll accept: I still do private sessions almost everyday. There’s talk about a real government job: I’ve got no proof to offer. Cash is how I declare my income earnings on my taxes. It’s perfectly legal. I’ve been told even the Army used to pay enlisted cash daily; you were Army, RoMan. I know that about you because...”

 

[Haliwt tosses her open palm hands with her fingers spread wide open up to around her face and pauses only to take a deep breath.]

 

Haliwt: “To answer your question, yes: I was told to assume a class name; I refuse to use an alias, so I reversed—stated it backwards—my legal name. The person who hired me was not The Dean, though The Dean now knows about me: he said he approves of my work.”

 

[RoMan’s smug expression is that of a person delivering redemption.]

 

Romantic Man: “The female abductor in the video—the one who assisted with the abduction of Dr. Da Chen—is at Fun Film And Media instructing Hamm Bickle’s class right now; she’s already introduced herself by your legal name but forwards. Here’s a photograph of her: she’s being taken into custody in approximately fifteen minutes. Like I said, we know she’s not you.”

 

[RoMan shows Haliwt the screen of a cell phone.]

 

Haliwt: “It’s the woman The Dean introduced as being on his staff along with three men, but he never stated their names either. We?! The three men on The Dean’s staff must be apprehended too, right?”

 

Romantic Man: “We?!”

 

Haliwt: “They’ve been stalking me since 1999. The “guys” have assaulted me incessantly. They’re crazy. A week can’t go by without some of them stalking me outside my home: which is well off the college campus. I know they intend for me to be a fatality: it’s the reason I was asked to instruct at this campus. And I think someone is going to accuse me of their crimes. Like peddling drugs: instead of cash paid to instruct a class. It won’t work. And I look at it as a biological issue or I don’t take it personally.”

 

[RoMan is self-consciously considerate.]

 

Romantic Man: “Who do you think would do that, the government? Like, you know: I don’t know.”

 

[Haliwt glances out towards the ocean with reticence before sighing back at RoMan.]

 

Haliwt: “It seems I’m always forced into a situation of being a righteous lawful leader, the sane rational voice for overwhelming real reason: just to prevent acts of hideous aggression or accusation to harm me. It’s the demand to be the highest quality of personage: my own discipline. But it seems it’s an expectation of everyone. Don’t slobber: don’t fart out loud. If one must talk about poop, explain the poop of IT (Haliwt waves her arms up to the horizon over the ocean) and articulate it well enough to blow each PHD physicist out of the water: no one in particular but nearly all, according to physical statistic records amassed by public research sources.”

 

[RoMan shakes his head to acknowledge doubtful understanding.]

 

Haliwt: “RoMan, you are wonderful too but you don’t allow yourself to think it. After all, we’re just freaks of nature: the result of a spider eating tree bark. What’s the wonderful to that? Cognitive ability developed from it: the infinite ability and desire to try to go figure, RoMan.”

 

[RoMan smiles shyly as he flushes.]

 

Haliwt: “A reason is you don’t want to be responsible for wonderful. I would say the reason is a sub-atomical—atonical—motive resulting from matter or produced energy expending itself and while far from a light source, then failing to recognize or realize how to self-generate: like a moth only thinking to fly fearless into flame. Your case? It just seems too futile, hopeless; wonderful does not seem worth it to you.”

 

[RoMan is bashfully amused and his amusement encourages her.]

 

Haliwt: “Not worth it because of how dysfunctional our civilization or other people are consistently being. I’m not necessarily blaming you, but I definitely understand such a point of view. And I could be wrong by assessment of why you don’t allow yourself to think you’re wonderful. It’s a lot of hard work: wonderful is intense physical labor. LAZY and LAME isn’t any easier in my mind.”

 

[Haliwt pauses to take a breath but only to pursue an intense effort to involve Romantic Man’s psychology.]

 

 Haliwt: “You can realize your own limitations and strive to consistently develop to a higher level of ability: sane. Criminally insane people don’t realize generating ability: they try one psychotic plot after another because they don’t know—cannot realize—any better way to do or be. ‘Pirates of The Carelessbean’: prerecorded low-level insufficient intellect, never rising above just dead already.”

 

Haliwt: “Better is self-sustaining, survival enhancing, simpler, cleaner, safer; feasible feats, factual futures. Deliverance from evil or how to not be a dumber than dirt demon. Come on: you watched the ‘Invasion of The Body Snatchers’ as a kid too, right?”

 

[Roman is momentarily nostalgic.]

 

Romantic Man: “I did.”

 

[Haliwt shakes her head, yes, enthusiastically.]

 

Haliwt: “Here’s the kicker: according to the records amassed by the UN, USA Census Bureau, Department of Health—you name it and then some—most people, 75%-80% of the public at large are SNATCHED by a molecular psyche which can only prosper if a man or woman is decaying, destroyed or degraded to death; chronic HIV/AIDS infection motivates their cognitive responses. And it started by consistent development of bulimia at the onset of birth; by the time most are teenagers, they’ve already done such damage to the cardiovascular system, they’re basically dead already: or stagnated! By Captain Crunch.”

 

[RoMan blandly stares at her. She inhales and continues.]

 

Haliwt: “Without ample blood circulation, a person cannot grow new cells, cannot rid the body of old cells: it results chronic dehydration and decomposition is the only thing that can happen until a final stage of death. But not every person causing atrophy is a total raving HIV/AIDs ravager or ravaged victim: only those who choose to engage or act out on fantasy to murder/rob and commit identity theft develop HIV/AIDS. They weren’t infected by others: they did it to themselves but that doesn’t prevent them from persisting with criminal attacks against everyone and everything else; they also cannot tolerate explanations that might prevent others—the ones they delusion as inside their lives—from doing as much damage possible.”

 

[Haliwt licks her lips, clears her throat and after waiting only a second for RoMan to reply, she starts fastly speaking again.]

 

Haliwt: “The infected people don’t know it’s the psyche of HIV/AIDs motivating what they consider to be their own perception. Dr. Sigmoid Fraud declared a sub-conscious mind; my categorization is SUB-COGNITIVE. Because even if they’re told by elaborate detail and length, they cannot realize it or regain functional control by self-development. And the real reason is because such persons are just dead already from their efforts of trying to murder/rob/identity theft a person.”

 

[Haliwt takes another deep breath to conclude.]

 

Haliwt: “If you are expecting happy every after romance movie quality bad guy round up until it’s peace and love forever? The best thing we can hope is to just stop any further careless carnage at this time. Swarmer is the best guess for who is the mad chemist and murdering who done it. But he’s being aided or abetted by those psychotic men pretending to be campus cops.”

 

[RoMan feigns slight surprise.]

 

Romantic Man: “Chemist? Murders? Mad hatters.”

 

Haliwt: “‘The Never Ending Stream Of Chang’”

 

[The scene fades out as Haliwt—still perched on her knees upon the grounded sheet—is staring up to RoMan, as if praying to him; he purposefully stares off to the ocean until finally looking down at Haliwt. His slight smile suggests hopelessness.]

 

 

ACT TWELVE: STAGE WRECK

 

Scene Twelve

 

[The scene opens at dusk with an immature looking Asian heritaged man standing on a sidewalk facing Haliwt: a car wreck involving two small vehicles is confusingly conspicuous on a two lane street behind where the two are standing on the sidewalk. The man introduces himself to Haliwt as (Entrance) Jay Chang.]

 

Haliwt: “Jay Chang, engineering student for five years already? Uh Uhn. You can call me Ms. Haliwt. I’ve been instructing Dr. Da Chen’s class, Chang.”

 

Chang: (Entrance) “Oh. Well, what I really need is a witness to testify about the accident. Could you send an e-mail to me about what you saw happen tonight? Here’s my e-mail address and my phone number: you can call me.”

 

[Chang extends a very frail arm towards Haliwt with a slip of paper in his hand. Chang appears to be skinny to the point of looking anemic. Haliwt accepts a slip of paper and then stares sternly at Chang.]

 

Haliwt: “Sure, Chang. I’m going to declare—for a court of law if necessary—you appeared to purposefully stage a traffic accident with that man still sitting over there inside the other car. Why isn’t he getting out, exactly? CHANG.”

 

Chang: “Well, uh. He... (Chang hesitates to say what he starts to say) I don’t really know.”

 

Haliwt: “You are psychotic, Chang; delusional—out of touch with reality—enough to think you can involve or blame me for what’s happened here tonight? Which is: you two idiots intentionally crashed cars into each other because you think you can say my crossing the road here caused you to wreck, right?”

 

[Chang’s face begins to look extremely frightened and he seems as if he would be incapable of speech.]

 

Haliwt: “First: IT’S LEGAL for a pedestrian to cross the road here. NOT JAY WALKING. Second: it’s obvious from the evidence of the two cars, he was parked here at that curb (Haliwt points left to the curb at the sidewalk where she and Chang are standing) and as he started to turn out onto the road, you bumped into his car on the driver’s side going no more than about 2 miles per hour or while he was nearly at a stand still.”

 

[Chang jaw is dropped open as he stares pitifully down to the sidewalk.]

 

Haliwt: “It’s not like either one of you can say you were going too fast to stop for a pedestrian; by law, a driver is obligated to attempt stopping and despite whether or not a pedestrian might be at fault, meaning JAY walking or NOT. Cutting to the chase: do you still want to call University ambulance to assist your accomplice, CHANG?”

 

[The other man sitting inside the car dented at the left front end suddenly opens the driver’s side of his car and steps out onto the road, but makes no effort to approach the sidewalk.]

 

Chang: “Ambulance? Probably not. Okay, no.”

 

[Chang looks in the direction of the man still standing on the road; the man shakes his head back and forth as if to say NO vigorously but without speaking.]

 

Haliwt: “CHANG seems like he’s on some kind of drug. And you smell weird CHANG. Stinky.”

 

[Chang and the other man look at each other—both wide-eyed—but neither speak.]

 

Haliwt: “So, do either of you feel hurt? It’s obvious both of you can stand; can you speak?”

 

[Haliwt stares over to the man still standing on the road beside one of the dented cars.]

 

Chang’s Accomplice: (Entrance) “I can speak, I just don’t have anything to say. I’m fine: please, no ambulance.”

 

Haliwt: “Sure.”

 

[Haliwt starts walking down the sidewalk away from Chang and his accomplice as the scene fades to open to Haliwt standing in a campus hallway with Professor Swarmer. Students seem very busy walking by without paying attention to Haliwt or Swarmer standing in the hall.]

 

 

ACT THIRTEEN: CHINK

 

Scene Thirteen

 

[Haliwt is surrounded by students darting in and around one another down a busy hallway; Professor Swarmer has stepped in front of her path and is trying to engage her in conversation.]

 

Haliwt: “I don’t want to talk, Swarmer; since I started instructing Dr. Da Chen’s class, it’s as if everything I say—everything everyone is saying—is like something coming out of a can of Spaghetti O’s. Canned speech: I cannot even explain it without sounding like a fricking noodle hole.”

 

[Haliwt places her hands to the side of her head and exaggerates frustration anxiety.]

 

Professor Swarmer: “Speaking of foodies, dear, you must meet the two Snicker-Doodles, Larry and Gary. Yes.”

 

[Professor Swarmer motions with his arm to two young Asian looking men standing off to the backside of Haliwt.]

 

Professor Swarmer: “Ms. Haliwt, this is Larry and Gary. They are going to be guests attending your next lecture on criminal insanity because…”

 

[Professor Swarmer grins broadly while Gary and Larry snicker at each other during their approach to be nearer to Haliwt.]

 

Larry: “Our erroneous involvement with filming a video; it’s going to be a Hollywood movie now.”

 

Gary: “Yeah. Hollywood here we come. If you see strange men with guns chasing us on campus, it’s their part in our movie. Right, Professor Swarmer?”

 

Professor Swarmer: “Gentlemen, take leave of us now and I will explain it all rationally to Ms. Haliwt.”

 

[Professor Swarmer waves at them to go away; as Gary and Larry abruptly begin to walk down the hall, they seem amused by intentionally bumping other students while slowly vanishing out of sight by navigating the crowd.]

 

Professor Swarmer: “Larry and Gary tried to blackmail Professor Hamm, dear. It’s an aspect of his sudden sabbatical. It wasn’t just about the videeo.”

 

Hawlit: “What else was it about?”

 

Professor Swarmer: “I’d say you’d better sit down, dear, but it couldn’t be here: this is not the appropriate place. We must have an appropriate place.”

 

Haliwt: “Right here, right now seems fine to me, Swarmer.”

 

Professor Swarmer: “Did you see the national news about the smell of corpse at Jewel Cove? It was on the INet too. Dr. Da Chen’s body was found floating in the water of the Jewel Cove this morning, dear: nibbled but not ate in full, by Sea Lions? It is somewhat disturbing, don’t you agree? Apparently even carnivores and omnivores don’t actually eat much flesh or meat: it seems they are more inclined to be blood suckers only. Dr. Da Chen escaped solitary confinement but he was still wearing a proper jacket.”

 

[Professor Swarmer’s face is smugly defiant to distress.]

 

Haliwt: “Gross.”

 

[Haliwt turns away and begins walking quickly through the thinning crowd of students. Professor Swarmer calls out to her; Haliwt stops and turns to look back at Swarmer.]

 

Professor Swarmer: (loudly across a short distance) “Ms. Haliwt, it’s not like Dr. Da Chen was precious. Don’t you want to hear the rest of it, dear?”

 

Haliwt: “Send me an e-mail or call me on my cell phone but right now, I’m leaving for some fresh air and sanity.”

 

[The scene darkens and blurs as Haliwt—her eyes moist with tears—exits a hallway door.]

 

 

ACT FOURTEEN: DISCOVER Dr. Da Chen

 

Scene Fourteen

 

[The scene opens to Romantic Man and Colonel Statt seated on either side of a plain metal desk inside Colonel Statt’s military base office with the door shut.]

 

Romantic Man: “The San Devilo County Coroner entered an official recording this morning; one point to his report was how Dr. Da Chen’s body seems to have been dropped into the water at the Jewel Cove area from the air but not by a fast moving plane: Dr. Da Chen’s body dropped from a high hovering helicopter, sir.”

 

[Romantic Man pauses to stare directly at Colonel Statt; Colonel Statt is stern with dignified interest.]

 

Romantic Man: “Dr. Da Chen was alive and straight-jacketed before being shoved out the helicopter. He didn’t stand much of a chance or he didn’t jump out willingly. Both of Dr. Da Chen’s ankles showed signs of compression fracture and his feet were bound together by electrical tape. His forehead had a sizeable gash: it appears his head hit against an exit door frame with considerable force, force that could not occur by a willing jump forward.”

 

[Romantic Man stares intently at Colonel Statt to seek or judge a reaction. Colonel Statt clears his throat and begins the elaboration of what seems to be a rehearsed reading.]

 

Colonel Statt: “By now, you probably have found out Da Chen and I were stationed with one another while on a deployment ten years ago at Okinawa. That’s why you’re here, right? He wasn’t a doctor then; Da Chen was assigned as a Captain at the base mail processing office. After leaving Marines, he paid his way through University—to gain a doctorate degree—by employment with USPS.”

 

[Colonel Statt pauses to look out a window, as if allowing himself a moment to recall Dr. Da Chen.]

 

Colonel Statt: “Da Chen earned merit for his bit on the criminal mind or specifically, an explanation of what could cause an established postal worker to suddenly go nuts enough to put on a bikini and pick up a machine gun to raze a post office. It was a real case: Dr. Da Chen argued the alleged postal worker was actually not himself but was an imposter and how imposter’s don’t realize responsibility for the alias they assume. He thought the real postal worker was murdered before the shooting rampage and the machine gun incident was a way for other criminals—or other postal workers—to steal the wealth earned by the murdered postal worker: that macabre defamation parlayed itself into a frenzy of gory victimization.”

 

Romantic Man: “Colonel Statt, sir, the suggestion of Dr. Da Chen being involved with drug smuggling is being examined out on the table, no pun intended, sir.”

 

Colonel Statt: “Of course not. No pun. Vaccines. Da Chen told me it was shipments of vaccines. There was some questioning at the time.”

 

[Romantic Man is momentarily uncomfortable with how to continue the topic; he grips his hands together as he takes a deep breath until resolution to proceed is recognizable across his face.]

 

Romantic Man: “A helicopter pilot, US Marine Captain Brian Tokin, did a water drop recently at a ravine on land belonging to the US Army. He was stationed at Camp Legume before being transferred here to your command—this base—last year. The land is situated only a half mile off University campus; it’s known Tokin was solicited by a Professor William Hamm Bickle. Brian Tokin was interviewed: he has admitted to performing the water drop but the reason explained to him—the urgency of it—wasn’t exactly complete.”

 

HOP To That Thang Cha Cha Cha Chang

 

Colonel Statt: “Not complete?”

 

Romantic Man: “Sir, the remains of a badly decomposed body of a young man were found in the fire pit situated in that ravine; it was burned to nearly unrecognizable by the fire Tokin’s water drop extinguished. The consideration at this point is the remains are that of an alleged engineering student at University called Chang. And there’s more to it but it’s lengthy: Chang was badly decomposed before being set on fire.”

 

Colonel Statt: “Chang? If I recall properly, I read something about a Chang on the INet news not too long ago; there were photographs of a fat kid with glasses? Apprehended by the DEA in some kind of drug raid near University, forgotten in a holding cell for five days, that Chang?”

 

HOP The Endless Stream Of Chang

 

Romantic Man: “An engineering student from University going by the name of just Chang was taken into custody by DEA less than two months ago. He wasn’t forgotten in a cell for five days: he experienced seizures while in custody; a University ambulance was called to offer remedy for emergency care. It’s doubtful he ever made it to University hospital.”

 

Colonel Statt: “The assumption is he somehow would still be alive, if he had made it to University hospital? It seems like a bit of stretch to me.”

 

[Colonel Statt laughs at his own comments until Romantic Man interrupts.]

 

Romantic Man: “That Chang swallowed a packet of meth amphetamine while waiting in a holding cell. The San Devilo DEA office’s defiance to procedure is being investigated and those responsible will be held accountable by USDOJ; oversights or lapses in procedure sometimes do happen. I’m not making excuses. But I also don’t want to digress off the track here. That Chang, sir, was Dr. Da Chen’s illegitimate son: the mother is your wife, sir.”

 

[Colonel Statt faces contorts with mock incredibility.]

 

Colonel Statt: “My wife.”

 

[Romantic Man shakes his head authoritatively.]

 

Romantic Man: “Your familiarity with Dr. Da Chen was not limited to an Okinawa deployment. You went to the same high school: you both enlisted with the Marine Corp upon graduation and your wife is Dr. Da Chen’s sister. We know her son’s legal name, sir. There are bank accounts. At the time of his disappearance, JaySong Da Chen III was active enlisted with the US Army but was stationing here, Colonel Statt. He was a Corporal assigned to mail processing, sir. Vaccinations are illegal.”

 

[Colonel Statt stands up from the desk and crosses his arms over his chest. He is staring with the beginning of hostility towards Romantic Man.]

 

Romantic Man: “So? It seems the University ambulance may have driven that Chang’s body around for five days or until someone hid his body up to the time it was burned in the fire pit at the ravine. ‘CHANG’ seems to be a kind of generic name for a bad character peddling meth around University. Dr. Da Chen was pushed out of a helicopter by another such bad character: the primary suspect for who was the helicopter pilot is you, Colonel Statt, sir.”

 

Colonel Statt: “Oh. Thank you very much; so, who do you think was the pusher?”

 

[The scene fades out to open to Haliwt being chased across a lawn during broad daylight by Professor Bickle Swarmer.]

 

Professor Swarmer: “I have to stop! Wait.”

 

[Swarmer is standing on the lawn, nearly heaving from heavy breathing and panting; he gasps for his air while bent from the waist towards the ground: Haliwt stops and turns back to look at the distressed Bickle Swarmer.]

 

Haliwt: “What’s wrong Swarmer? What happened to “Biking is excellent cardiovascular exercise; I don’t know where she gets her erroneous information.” Excellent if the goal is to die! Or MONKEY. Just so long as it isn’t you, Swarmer? (Haliwt laughs lightly) We’re almost there, so catch your breath and we’ll walk the rest of the way.”

 

[Swarmer straightens up and begins to walk slowly in the direction of Haliwt. Haliwt stays ahead of him to purposefully maintain a distance. She arrives at an area situated with a rather substantial cluster of trees: she turns back to Swarmer and motions with her arms towards an obvious entrance at the onset of the forested mass. The scene fades out to open to both of them surrounded by trees, brush and leaves.]

 

 

ACT FIFTEEN: RABID RABBIT

 

Scene Fifteen

 

[The scene opens with Haliwt and Professor Swarmer surrounded by trees and she is pointing to the bodies of four dead rabbits slightly hidden under a leaf pile.]

 

Haliwt: “Larry and Gary told me where they were hidden. I know how they died. It’s hideous: I love how are rabbits, as a species type. Do you know why, Swarmer?”

 

[Professor Swarmer is staring down at the dead rabbits. He intentionally avoids looking at Haliwt; he doesn’t acknowledge her question. Haliwt begins to dance and skip around Professor Bickle Swarmer, like a child playing a game of ‘Ring Around The Rosie’. She speaks eloquently without any evidence of being labored.]

 

Haliwt: “Food, Sex, Sleep; food, sex, sleep. The psyche of a male or female rabbit is simple without any capacity for criminal insanity. Three motives only for all time: food, sex, sleep. No tangled webs, no gotcha gotcha.”

 

[Haliwt suddenly stops her circling dance to a stand still; she stares intently at Swarmer.]

 

Haliwt: “The rabbit doesn’t eat the stalks of award winning tulips to leave the flower by malicious intent; food, sex, sleep. The rabbit knows instinctually to eat only the leafy green of a carrot plant because a rabbit’s natural skill for realization developed to understand the orange root will grow more leafy green if not ate. What’s better, Swarmer: orange now or a leafy green future? It’s never an easy question: realize it or not, you’ve decided orange for you and no chance for a leafy green future.”

 

[Professor Swarmer affects bravado but is squeamish with discomfort.]

 

Professor Swarmer: “The rabbits were rabid.”

 

[Haliwt steps forward to place both of her hands on Swarmer’s chest; she snarls near Swarmer’s face.]

 

Haliwt: (Shouts) “LIAR. LIAR.”

 

[Haliwt pushes Swarmer back onto the ground with one fast shove; he falls flat to his back onto the leaf pile still partially covering the dead rabbits. Swarmer attempts regaining composure enough to sit up but Haliwt places her foot on his stomach and forces him back down.]

 

Haliwt: “Excuse please, can there be an audience?”

 

[Haliwt shouts to solicit amongst the trees and then adopts a deeper tone to mimic Swarmer.]

 

Haliwt: “Excuse please, can there be an audience... “Don’t worry about Ms. High Kicks; if she tries to kick you, just grab her foot and take HER DOWN instead.””

 

[Haliwt’s voice then changes to a childlike tone.]

 

Haliwt: “Hey, who said it? Who said it?”

 

[Haliwt’s resumes a normal but angry speaking voice.]

 

Haliwt: “Here’s my foot on you, Bickle Swarmer: you’re a murderer. YOU MURDERED Dr. Da Chen and his son, CHANG? Chang’s car wreck accomplice was found here—amongst the trees—in the same condition as these rabbits. Whether or not they were rabid wasn’t for you to decide, SWARMER.”

 

[Using Swarmer’s stomach as a spring, Haliwt quickly leaps over the head of a distraught and still grounded Swarmer; she skips off through the trees as the scene fades out to black.]

 

 

ACT SIXTEEN: BUSTED

 

Scene Sixteen

 

[Larry and Gary are sitting on the floor of an office; they are surrounded by four standing men wearing University California San Devilo police officer uniforms. (Entrance): Slasher, Flasher, Masher and Crap.]

 

Larry: “That’s because Professor Swarmer is lying. Our class with her isn’t even until tomorrow.”

 

Gary: “I know what I said when I said it and now that I’m saying it again. The only thing I told her was about our movie. How we’re going Hollywood.”

 

Crap: “And WE ARE BOYS. HOLLYWOOD here we come! Hey, you want to see some of the photos from a few of our ON location scenes?”

 

Flasher: “YUP. Swimming pools filled with marijuana plants and bums pretending to be movie stars… The Beverly High Billies.”

 

Masher: “…We’d like to thank you folks for kindly dropping in; you’re all invited back next week to this locality… I’ve forgotten the rest of it.”

 

Slasher: “To have a heaping helping of our hospitality.”

 

[Flasher, Masher, Slasher and Crap stand laughing above where Larry and Gary sit silently aghast on the floor.]

 

Slasher: “STAND UP.”

 

[Larry looks at Gary but neither one stands up.]

 

Masher: “Didn’t you just hear what Slasher told you to do? Are you disobeying a SUPERIOR OFFICER? LARRY, GARY.”

 

[Both Larry and Gary immediately struggle up to a standing position; they look even more frightened by being at a closer proximity to the faces of the other four men.]

 

Crap: “You two are going to sit here at the desk while Flasher shows you some of our movie photos. Move it.”

 

[Crap points to two chairs placed at the outer area of a plain metal desk, then grabs both Larry and Gary by one arm—at the same time—and shoves them in the direction of the desk. Larry and Gary stumble forward: both seem relieved to quickly sit back down. Three of the men hover behind Gary and Larry’s seats as Flasher hurries to sit on the interior chair of the desk to face Larry and Gary.]

 

Flasher: “Exhibit 1. Woman shot through car window. Exhibit 2. Woman shot through the car window after car has been burned. Exhibit 3. Officer vomit in the dirt outside the shot out car window. Impressive? Neither of you wants to vomit? Or did BOTH of you want to vomit, together, at the same time? Do you even think it’s sickening?”

 

[Larry and Gary both stare straight ahead as if not to see and to avoid looking at Flasher or the photos. Neither one speaks. Both appear to be extremely frightened. Masher crowds down between their seats; he places a hand on each one’s shoulder.]

 

Masher: “The reason he’s asking… It might not be sane but it’s still a reason. He didn’t vomit for no reason; he vomited to make it look like she pulled over to vomit. And not because they stole a patrol car to illegally stalk a private citizen off campus. Get it? It’s a set-up, not an up-set stomach. They are never allowed to take patrol cars off campus.”

 

[Masher affects a voice to sound like The Dean.]

 

Masher: “It’s stealing from University. And University does NOT have the authority to hire campus patrols to work San Devilo City, NOR San Devilo County and NOT the State of Californication: no DMV-ampire either.”

 

[Flasher nods his head to say, yes, for agreement.]

 

Flasher: “Okay. Exhibit 4. Man who stole uniform and patrol car to pretend to be a police officer. Exhibit 5. Second man who stole uniform to pretend to be an officer. They beat each other to death. They did it is who did it. If SDPD gets you: the fine is $30,000 or all your movie money plus some more for pretending to be police officers.”

 

[Flasher shows photographs of two male corpses beaten, battered and bruised beyond recognition.]

 

Crap: “It’s like a never ending stream. I mean, a movie is a movie: NOT REALITY.”

 

[Gary and Larry both look as if they are going to cry.]

 

Masher: “What they did was try to rob us. She got stuff from Chang; you two guys knew or know? Chang. Cha cha cha cha Chang, cha cha cha cha CHANG, cha cha cha cha cha cha cha: CHANG.”

 

[Slasher waves his arms like an orchestra conductor.]

 

Slasher: “Ta ta ta da, ta ta ta da, ta ta ta ta ta: DA.”

 

[Flasher is focused intensely on Larry and Gary.]

 

Masher: “You—LARRY and GARY—filmed a Chang body burning in the fire pit. We need that kind of talent here.”

 

[Slasher laughs loudly; Masher stands up to laugh as he looks towards Crap. After Crap begins laughing, Flasher laughs until suddenly standing up to throw his arms quickly to the ceiling and then down just as rapidly to slap his hands onto his own thighs loudly. Gary and Larry noticeably flinch.]

 

Flasher: “Stop laughing. It’s not that funny. What’s funny is laughing but even a good thing must end. Let’s give up some uniforms. I say they’re HIRED. You two (he nods to Larry and Gary) got the right stuff to be our film officers. Any nay?”

 

[Flasher pauses for a moment to allow disapproval.]

 

Flasher: “No? Okay, I’ll be right back with some gear. Gotta get this going on.”

 

Crap: “Larry, Gary. She sold Chang’s stuff at a nightclub, but she was on her way here to give us the money. Those two guys (Crap points to the photos of two male corpses) pretended to be patrol officers and pulled her over and then shot her through the car window: to steal our money.”

 

[Flasher returns with University patrol officer clothing draped across one arm; he’s holding a sack of stuff with his free hand.]

 

Flasher: “I’m not much of a tailor but these pants and shirts should fit you two guys. Did you want to try it on now, to see if the fit is for you? New boots are out of the question: due to budget restraints. Stand up.”

 

[Gary and Larry stand up immediately upon being told but both are shaking almost uncontrollably. They seem to be seriously shocked or in a state of trauma shock.]

 

Crap: “Come on guys. It’s not that bad; you don’t have to wear the uniforms tomorrow. We’ll tell you when you have to put on the uniforms and show up for duty, okay? Right now, just try the stuff on—to see how it fits—and you will have your gear for when the urgency of duty calls.”

 

Masher: “Officer full of CRAP is just trying to reassure you: we are not that bad. Your whole personality doesn’t have to change just to do this job. Just be yourselves. RELAX.”

 

[A bewildered Gary and Larry are holding University patrol officer uniforms while standing outside the ‘UCSDPD’ door. The time is dusk: both look like they can’t comprehend their situation. Two bicycles with slashed tires are noticed as ticketed, ‘NO REGISTRATION: IMPOUND’. Slasher opens the door from inside the office and stares out at the two of them still standing there.]

 

Slasher: “You’re right, Officers. I forgot to tell you we will need a full report of your class attendance, Ms. Haliwt’s, tomorrow. Otherwise, you’re off duty as of now. Time for both of you to go home; you do remember how to get to home base, right?

 

[Slasher pauses but Larry and Gary do not reply.]

 

Slasher: “It’s understandable how nearly excited out of your minds you must be for this outstanding opportunity to live as one of the few and proud officers of University.”

 

[Slasher pats both Larry and Gary on the back; he is smiling cordially as he politely motions to Larry and Gary to leave. The scene fades out as a despondent Larry and Gary are walking down a single lane asphalted road.]

 

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